Housewife Syndrome

I hopped on to the bandwagon of Instagramming three years ago or perhaps more now. I’ve never celebrated it’s anniversaries and my memory fails me about the time elapsed. But, what I fondly remember is how much I’ve grown and have learnt being on this platform. Alhamdulilah.

I realised that I’m not alone. And that I’m part of a team that’s spread over the world. A team of wives, mothers, WAHMS (work at home moms) and SAHMS (stay at home moms), who are not at all unlike me. Alhamdulilah.

All serving their families, searching for happiness in their kids, being sad when their efforts in their kitchens turn futile, having supermom days and often very badmom days just like I do. Subhan Allah.

Basically, I’ve discovered a world through Instagram that shares my feats and failures. I’ll forever be grateful to having fit in and being embraced by a beautiful community. Alhamdulilah.

Often when I share my monologues, thoughts, opinions, experiences as a mum, wife & homemaker on my Instagram stories, I happily make time to sit back and read and reply to all the messages that pour in from my followers around the world.

Today, I shared a story about how my phone screen ceased working twice and I felt utterly bad about adding on expenditures to hubster’s already piling stack of bills – It’s hard on him these days. The recession due to Corona lockdown has been nothing but a bother to everyone around the world, especially the working middle class of our nation.

The guilt in me has been paramount today and I’ve mulled over why my phone had to break once again. Hubster’s kind-hearted and always takes care of household’s expenses without complaining. And I make sure I live frugally so as not to add on to his responsibilities. This unuttered pact usually works brilliantly between us.

Some replies on my stories today left me with some food for thought today, though:

What makes me become so deeply harsh towards myself when I know that Allah has created our husbands as our caretakers? Why can’t I come to terms with forgiving myself when there’s a slight incompetency with regards to expenditures? Did I wind down the guilt path when I was under the care of my parents?

Is it possible to live without worry now that I depend on hubster for life’s basic essentials? Would I have not felt this remorseful guilt had I been earning and fending for myself? Is this some kind of housewife syndrome?

I’m not sure I can answer my own questions. But I know many of us feel this way. I just voiced my thoughts aloud here.

Feel free to comment, suggest, raise more questions or tell me otherwise.

4 thoughts on “Housewife Syndrome”

  1. For some women, adding on to their husbands expenses is like, “he is responsible, so he has to do it”, while for others like you and I,its more of a guilt trip, because…

    1. We understand the value of money, as we also contribute whatever little we do with our online work.
    2. We understand the efforts it takes, as we understand the responsibility that comes with being the provider for the house.
    3. Allah blessed us with hearts that are compassionate and understanding. Ee go to an extent of trying to avoid certain necessary expenses, or try to take care of them on your own, instead of burdening husbands with it.

    I remember a similar situation, where i broke my phone, tried working with a broken screen phone for about two more months before it gave up on me and then guiltily sharing it with my hubby that i need a phone change. He readily agreed to buy a new one… But me being me, told him that I rather buy on EMI than making him pay the whole amount at one go.. which after much persuasion he agreed to! Personally i dont understand why I am taken aback when i have to ask him to spend on me or when i have to ask him for money – may be because at one point in time i was financially independent, and i still carry that feeling with me. Rest assured you are not alone in this guilt trip sis Rooshna, you will always find the silly me trailing along with similar state of mind.(sorry for the mini blog post on your blog😛)

    1. I loved your mini blog post. You’re a writer and should start blogging soon!

      You and I are similar in a a lot of ways when it comes to being a homemaker, wife and mom.

      Instead of asking hubster for phone directly, I’ve asked my parents to make dua that he gifts me one before this one goes completely bad. 😂🙈🤷‍♀️

  2. Loved reading your post Rooshna. I can relate as a stay home mum who is trying to be more through cartoons and posts. Financial independence brings a different sort of confidence and I feel women like myself feel we have to do more in life to compensate for the lack of it. While we do our part of running a home and caring for family still the insecurity creeps in. Today only my husband showed me an advertisement for content writer in the newspaper. I tried explaining to him that there are ways to earn but my heart does not feel excited doing something for the sake of money. He understands but I am constantly asked by people if I get paid for writing and if not then why do I do it. End of the day we have to make peace with ourselves and understand who we are. The kind of person we are. Once we know that it will be easier. Love Niyati Faujimom

    1. Those are pearls of wisdom, Niyati! I couldn’t have put it in better words.

      It’s all about the peace of heart.

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